Swimming with zombies

Zombies are one of those things in life that you never give it a lot of thought to until you have one standing next to you. Looking at you. Abruptly your knowledge on zombies becomes personal and important. I haven't had this experience but if I ever do then I am now prepared thanks to one of the podcasts I watched. I learned more in that three minutes than I ever expected. For example; zombies cannot swim. {I do feel a bit conflicted about this unsettling piece of information because, as you know, I cannot swim and therefore cannot elude zombies by hiding in a lake.) Zombie bites are always infectious and fatal. You should not hide from zombies in your house or apartment. The best escape is to flee to either Costco or the mountains. Why this is the case was never made clear, but I do know that I need to have a survival kit ready to take with me. That kit should include a hatchet, long-handled knife or chain saw. You need one of these three because zombies can only be killed by chopping off their heads. I've chosen a hatchet as my weapon. The reason is clear. I'd have to get too close to the zombie to slice his head off with the knife and the chain saw seems too messy. The other reason is that I have ready access to a hatchet in my library. It is a part of my disaster preparedness kit. Really. It is. It is kept behind the kit which is right next to the courier boxes in the hall closet opposite the ladies restroom. I had no idea the library was so prepared, but I am delighted and feel much safer knowing it's there for me to use to slay a zombie if I need it.

This has presented me with a quandary and that is that I am sure it takes some skill and therefore some practice to swing a hatchet just so. It would appear that you only get one opportunity and you would want to be quick and accurate. So, I am thinking I need some practice. The conundrum is how to practice and become an expert hatchet-handler without ending up confined to a softly padded beige room with no door handle on the inside. I'm going to think more about this later.

What krl2pt0 has done for me is to open the door to a world of pleasing stuff (no other word covers everything like stuff does) and provided me with a way to link that stuff to my front doormat. I don't have to go searching for zombie sightings. Instead they come to me. Could it get any better?